When your child is playing football, there are inevitably moments during a game or practice where you think, “They should have done this instead.” It’s completely natural for parents to feel this way, and it’s also natural to struggle with how much guidance to offer. However, this “distance” or boundary varies significantly by country. Based on my experience playing and coaching in Japan, New Zealand, and Spain, I want to explore the optimal level of parental involvement for a child’s development.
New Zealand’s Culture: The Priority is “Fun”
In New Zealand, children are encouraged to approach soccer with fun as the central focus.
Even during games, the emphasis is placed less on the result and more on whether they “made an effort,” or “cooperated with the team.” Parental encouragement is generally positive, and it’s rare to see parents directly interfering with the play. That being said, you will often hear loud coaching from the sidelines among families with British or South American backgrounds.
While you cannot generalize, this “greater distance” is inherently a part of New Zealand culture—one that chooses to entrust the process to the children themselves.
This environment felt somewhat enviable to me, having grown up in Japan, where I witnessed a different approach to sports education.
The Well-Intended Coaching Common Among Japanese Parents
In Japan, it is common to see parents meticulously advise their children when they make a mistake or don’t play as expected.
“You should have passed the ball a little earlier.”
“Why didn’t you shoot there?”
This is by no means “bad.” Japan has a culture where “teaching diligently is a sign of affection,” and there is a historical background where correcting mistakes was considered the right way to raise a child.
However, I have often seen this passionate advice become a source of intense pressure for children. This is compounded by the Japanese educational belief that strict discipline is the fastest route to growth.
When parental advice becomes overwhelming, children often transform into “players who wait to be told the right answer,” limiting their ability to make independent judgments. Furthermore, they become “passive players” who play solely to avoid being yelled at. This, in my view, is one of the less desirable aspects of the Japanese soccer culture I have observed.
So, What is the Optimal Parental Involvement for a Child’s Growth?
Here are three key points I believe are crucial:
① Acknowledge the “Process,” Not Just Mistakes or Outcomes
“It didn’t work out, but you took the challenge!”
“You tried to think and move better than before.”
Focusing on the process builds a child’s confidence. I believe the coaching culture in New Zealand is superior to that of Japan in this regard: a culture that praises. I truly believe that children improve more when they are praised than when they are scolded.
② Parents Should Avoid Giving the “Answer” Too Quickly
You don’t need to stop giving advice altogether. However, instead of immediately giving the “correct answer,” try asking:
“What did you want to do in that situation?”
“What kind of play would you like to try next time?”
This encourages the child to think for themselves, which is the surest way to develop judgment and decision-making skills.
③ Understand the Division of Roles Between Coach and Parent
The coach is responsible for technical skills and tactics. The parent’s primary role is to “build the mental foundation that allows them to challenge without fear.”
Experiencing failure and losing is an essential part of football. The parent is the one who can provide support during those moments, which is when the child feels safest. When this division of labor is clear—parents provide the foundation for enjoyment, and coaches teach football—a child’s potential can truly accelerate.
Conclusion
You might wonder, “Should I just stop offering input?” But that’s not the case.
What matters is the “distance” and the “way you communicate.”
There are positives in both Japanese and New Zealand approaches. The most important thing is to watch and confirm that your child is enjoying football, and to provide the support that allows them to challenge themselves with confidence.
At Glocal, we aim to extract the best elements from the Japanese and international sports cultures I have experienced, and to foster an environment where children can feel free to challenge themselves.
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